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Title says it all. Have been seeing him for a month. I had accepted he was a F-buddy up until a week ago, after not seeing each other for maybe 5-6 days (busy schedules), we got together at his place and he literally pulled every move to make me think things were heading in a direction towards actually dating. Why on earth would he say those things and then now go without messaging me for 3 days straight? It feels psychotic to me.

I know he’d be seeing someone else, for sure. But why say all that? I actually just don’t understand.

I [31F] went to an event with some friends. They met someone they thought I might like, who was also bringing a friend. He's apparently leaving the city for a new job soon, but I thought it was a good trial by fire for me. A rare opportunity to be introduced to a guy casually (most of my friends are paired up and surrounded by other couples).

I found both him and his friend cute and friendly, and learned they both work at my university at a department literally across the street from mine. Since they'd both only recently moved here, I figured I could offer to meet up on campus sometime. They said they have a big department with great people. Since I couldn't get a read on either one of them in terms of attraction, I thought that probably meant it was a no, and maybe I'd meet someone through them then. They said yes to my offer, I got both their numbers, and that was that.

After the event, we all stuck around to hang out at a restaurant with my friends. It was a big table, but we did chat again here and there. I ended up on the same train home with one of them (the one who's leaving), and mentioned I'd be going to an event with a friend in a few days. He said he would actually like to join and thinks some of his colleagues would too. So I told him I'd text him and the other guy about it.

The next day, I texted them both in a group with the location and time. Train guy did not reply. The other guy replied a full 24 hours later and said politely that while it sounded fun, he couldn't go. I said that's fine and maybe we could meet on campus sometime, and he gave that message a thumbs up.

It's a nothing-burger of an interaction, but my immediate impression was "okay, they don't actually want to see you again" - I showed a screenshot to a couple friends who agreed with me. It felt different than some random guy ghosting on an app because we'd spent a whole evening together in a group with my friends, so I was being myself in a way I wouldn't be able to on a first date. I started wondering if I was somehow "too much" and threw them off to the point they didn't even want my friendship, despite being able to introduce them to some cool things around town. I'm not used to people rejecting my friendship generally, but adding the factor of actually finding them both attractive and realizing it's probably not mutual was like another blow.

This is part of doing life, I guess, but my friend told me it's probably good for me to experience this type of rejection enough that I'm not phased by it. In the meantime, though... not a nice feeling.